Slow Havamal: 130

[kylec]

In verse 130, Odin counsels Loddfafnir that if he cares to win a good woman, he must use joyful talk and make promises, then keep those promises. He will never regret wining the kind of woman he earns with such behavior.

There are many ways to win a woman, and many kinds of woman a man can win. You can be handsome, a pickup artist, a wealthy entrepreneur, a drug dealer, a bad boy, a charming liar, a convenient surface for unhealthy psychological projections, persistent, or merely the last viable option. But not all women are created equal. Each man earns what he and his methods are worth. This week, Odin counsels us on the way to the heart of a good woman.

It really is simple in theory. There are only two requirements: joyful talk, and keeping promises. Let’s start with the second one, because there’s an important element hidden in the advice. In fact, Odin doesn’t just say to keep your promises, but insists you must make promises, then keep them. This seems obvious. How can you keep a promise never made? But I think the implication isn’t so pedantic. It’s possible to be a nice guy who speaks kind words, and yet to promise nothing. A promise is a test of your honesty in some cases, and who doesn’t appreciate an honest man, even if that preference has to be learned through the difficult experience of the other variety? Other times, it’s a test of your will. You may well intend to keep a promise to own a home in five years, or to take her to the Grand Canyon. However, life can intervene to make a liar of the well-meaning.

In a promise lies a risk. It’s been shown in psychological studies that women adore men who take risks, and when there is a shortage of women, young males especially engage in riskier and more destructive behavior to either win favor or balance the numbers by removing themselves from the gene pool. Keeping a promise entails taking a risk, and succeeding. Presumably failing at a risk is better than never trying, but it can also harm a family and leave them without male guidance in the worst cases. By making promises and keeping them, you prove to be both honest and willful.

That joyful talk is effective should surprise no one. While this may include basic charm, people are generally attracted to those who are optimistic and having a good time—who shrug off defeats when they inevitably happen. A bright spirit is contagious. It, too, is a type of promise: an inherent faith that everything will work out for the best for that man and all who surround him.