Slow Havamal: 121

[kylec]

In verse 121, Odin counsels Loddfafnir not to be first to end a friendship, or else sadness will eat up his heart.

We saw in last week’s verse that sharing joyful talk with a friend will brighten our lives, and that joy may even heal us in certain ways. If that’s true, then it makes sense that we would want to hang on to those friendships. But no two people can expect to get along at all times. We have a bad day, say the wrong thing, or suffer some unintentional sleight. When this happens, Odin warns us not to be hasty in our response. We’ll live to regret it.

Even those we love most annoy us at some point. Usually, we tolerate it to some degree, but if the offense is too severe, or it occurs too often, we may be tempted to break off the relationship. There are times when this is warranted. Friends we made in another phase of life aren’t always appropriate parts of our new circumstances. Or sometimes a person unravels for reasons we can’t help, such as personal tragedy or addiction. But many times, relationships fall out due to a quick temper, a miscommunication, an imagined attack, or something more easily remedied. It’s these circumstances we should guard against.

All of us know someone who is quick to burn bridges. Maybe we have been that person at times—I know I have. It can be difficult to state the problem from a place of compassion and forgiveness, and try to resolve it nobly, especially when we realize that it’s rare to find the fault is one-sided. We may have to admit wrong and make our own changes, even if it seems the other person was the cause of the rift.

Odin realizes that sometimes these breaks have to be accepted, which is why he says never to be first. If a friend is done with me, there’s little I can do. Many relationships will have to be graciously surrendered throughout life. But if I make a habit of ruining them every time I feel hurt or threatened, soon I’ll find myself with no one to talk to, no one to laugh with, share my joys and my sorrows with, and no one whose very presence has a healing effect on the ills of living.