Slow Havamal: 102

[kylec]

In verse 102, we hear that many wise women will change their minds about a man, and that when Odin tried to seduce a very wise lady, he got no wife, only shame and trouble..

This verse gives us a roundabout confirmation that Odin was not met with resistance at the home of Billing’s girl because he was spotted, but rather because the girl decided she didn’t want him around. In these verses, he repeatedly refers to wise women—they are criticized for being cruel, perhaps, but never stupid. A wise person has familiarity with things, and understands how they fit into a given context. In this case, that object is a man hoping to find a wife.

Initial impressions may win someone over. With a look and a few words, she might fill in the blanks with her desires, casting a man in a favorable light. But as they interact more and more, details reveal themselves. The glowing portrait is untenable. As more of his character reveals itself, she may doubt whether this man will make a good husband, or even a worthwhile fling. So it is that wise women change their minds, while presumably the unwise wed themselves to folly.

We start out with an ideal partner in mind. When we meet someone, we quickly project our hopes onto them as best they’ll fit. A few compromises are made, a minor annoyance dismissed. Then we get to know the person, and if we have a whit of wisdom, we notice the places that our partner diverges from our vision. Maybe we compromise again. There are good surprises, too, after all. But even the good things contradict our narrative. Day by day, the vision and the reality become irreconcilable. We realize that whatever we thought we needed or wanted, we’re faced with something else entirely: this is a human being, whose personality, habits, needs, and dreams are the complex products of a life lived outside our narrow demands. Sometimes, that does it—the relationship ends. In the best of them, though, the two people abandon their projections. They regard the person before them, as they are, and appreciate them for qualities they never could have dreamed of—things we needed all along without realizing it. Then the couple gets to know each other on more definite terms, honestly and without confabulation. They may never love each other quite like they loved their ideals in the beginning, but their love grows deep and rich in black soil, the way a tree fits itself perfectly to the land and the light it is given.

Of course, that’s not what happened in this encounter. Billing’s girl could not reconcile the reality of the man she saw. Odin’s vision changes, too, from a ray of sunlight to a wise but cruel mistress. We should not deceive ourselves. The things we think we see at a glance are mostly made of imagination, filling in the customary or the coveted. Wisdom requires us to get to know things and how they fit into our world. That doesn’t always make us happier.