Slow Havamal: 92

[kylec]

The 92nd verse tells a man to speak eloquently and give gifts to a woman to win her love. He should praise the beautiful woman’s body, since the enamored man will win her.

I don’t claim to know how effective this advice would be. In my personal experience, it is both helpful and at times, plain wrong. There are women who a gift, a sweet word, and a compliment on her appearance will win. There are others who scorn those cliches. And in many cases in modern America, at least when I was dating, there were a lot of women who said they didn’t care about such things and meant it to some degree, but ultimately still responded to the flowers they claimed they didn’t need, or praise for their looks before heading out of the house.

I wonder if it was different in the 10th century. I’m positive women still liked compliments, but were there also those who scoffed at a flimsy rhetoric that they saw right through? Maybe the reason women balk at physical praise and fancy words is not that they don’t want to feel wanted, but that—as we learned in the previous verse—they know from experience that men speak most eloquently when they tell the biggest lies. What they are sensing is the purpose behind the flattery, which is often to find the fastest route to sex. Men and women alike seem to enjoy a bit of praise when they can be confident it’s genuine.

We’re told that the enamored man will get the girl. Again, in modern experience, it doesn’t seem common that the most-smitten succeeds. In fact, it’s nearly a trope that the disinterested man will do far better. That disinterest may not have gone far in centuries past, or perhaps it did, and the same questionable theories were still floating around. More broadly, we do tend to get the things we pursue with the most passion. While appearing needy and smothering doesn’t turn many people on, when we apply our will singularly to something, it’s more likely to come to fruition, and love is no exception. In the early stages, love seems to take the form of obsession on the part of the lovers, and if it’s more than just a casual fling, that passion has a way of drawing its object to itself.

This verse also works well taken metaphorically for any object of passion. We begin the act of receiving with a gift: flowers, poetry, or the equivalent in sacrifice and effort. Those who are generous prove their worth, and tend to get back what they send out. Whatever we want, a coordination of material objects, deeds, words, thoughts, and passions give us the best chance of realizing it. While the particulars may vary with who or what we desire, it’s wholehearted devotion that leads us to loving arms.

Comments

[causticus]

It seems to me like 90, 91, and 92 are best read together as a package.

What I think is behind these verses, is the notion that romantic "love" (i.e. whimsical feelings that trick men and women into getting together and procreating) is much akin to the "beer goggles" analogy JMG likes to use a lot whenever this topic comes up on his blogs. Also, I see each of the verses hinting at the different mating strategies men and women have, respectively; and how the unmitigated downsides of each can lead to ruin for men and women alike.

I do agree that at face value, this particular verse might come off as rather bad or cheesy advice in today's "dating" culture.

[kylec]

I think you're right that taken as a whole, they provide a nice round view of men and women in love. Thanks for this!