Slow Havamal: 90

[kylec]

The 90th verse says the love of deceitful women is like driving an untamed foal without horeshoes over slippery ice; like sailing in a wild wind; or like limping after reindeer after a thaw.

The love of deceitful women returns as a topic after a string of verses about things we shouldn’t always trust. The metaphors Havamal gives are those of a wild time, though dangerous and frustrating. In each of these situations, the man is at the mercy of external elements—the environment, as well as an animal or the wind. I’m sure women could come up with some colorful metaphors for the love of a deceitful man, but we’ll treat what’s in the text with the understanding that this isn’t one-sided.

Each of these scenarios has an element of impatience on the part of the man. He won’t find some other way across the ice or the sea, or something else to hunt. It has to be this, right now. Probably, he’s swept up in the love that he happens to encounter. We often take the first thing to come along, both eager for satisfaction and fearful that this might be our last best chance. Maybe inexperience simply doesn’t warn us of a potential deceit. We miss the early signs.

When we do spot them, there is already an element of commitment. We’re on the ice, out at sea, halfway across a melting mountain. It feels like there’s no turning back from the prize. Meanwhile, the toll of continuing mounts and the benefit tarnishes as we go. Unless we’ve been deceived before (and even then, some people make a habit of seeking out the same experience again and again), the fact that this is a bad idea builds slowly. More effort is sunk, and that effort makes us feel like abandoning the pursuit would be a waste.

Yet what’s gone is gone. If it’s tumult we seek, as some do, then a love full of mistrust may be the thing we’re looking for. For others, it’s important to recognize the signs early. There is no need to rush at the first crossing, or the first reindeer. Patience will likely bring about what we need in due time.

We also have to be honest about expectations. A casual love can be enjoyable, provided we go in without too many demands, and don’t change our expectations midstream. Much of the issue with deceitful loves lies with the willingness of the deceived to be a part of the affair. To know what we actually want beneath our obvious wants, and to recognize when the thing before us corresponds, is a skill for the wise to acquire—usually, the hard way.