Slow Havamal: 31

[kylec]

In the 31st verse, despite appearing wise for his mockery of another guest, the man who talks behind the other’s back is a fool, even if he earns laughs from others with his jest.

It seems obvious that we shouldn’t make fun of our fellow guests or talk behind their backs, even if it’s well-received. But why? There are plenty of popular defenses available. “Stick and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me.” Invocations of thick skin, and the ability to take a joke. Especially in masculine environments, being subject to ridicule for something, at some point, is par for the course. I can’t speak to the social circles of females, but from an outsider’s perspective, it seems they are less likely to make jokes in front of the guest as men are, and more likely to talk poorly behind their backs—though both sexes are guilty of both.

It’s arguable that both light tormenting and the social pressure of being spoken of in one’s absence are effective ways that communities police behavioral standards, and every community has standards. Perhaps Odin would take no umbrage to that. We aren’t talking about every man, but the wise one. And Havamal grants that one may seem wise for making fun of a fellow guest. The comment might be accurate, clever, and receive a hearty belly laugh from those around, whether it’s made in the victim’s presence or absence. Regardless of how others respond, the poem makes it clear that the insulter knows little.

The victim is referred to as a “fellow guest.” That implies the two are on a level playing field. If we harm our peers, though it may be a legitimate criticism, we are bound to be ignoring some contemporary fault of our own. Maybe the fault we make fun of is exactly one we possess—a projection of the shadow. Or it might be a case of the one-armed man making fun of the one-legged man. All guests take part in the hospitality of the host. We all arrive wanting, and are tended to according to our needs. It’s foolish to criticize another’s needs when we aren’t the ones providing for our own.

A wise man would know better. He’s experienced his fair share of lack, and though he may have what he requires at this moment, he knows that tomorrow the situation may be reversed. The insulting fool tries to elevate his station by taking his peers down. Others may find it humorous, but they’ll remember. They know if he has no problem talking about Mike behind his back, he probably does the same for those laughing when he gets a chance. He raises his reputation as a jester while destroying it as a trustworthy friend. Who could blame them if they give him the same treatment later?

We are all guests of life. We have different skills, different journeys, and different deficiencies. To criticize the man beside us for being imperfect is to express ignorance of our own imperfections. The wise man may joke from a place of genuine affection, or joke about himself, or something other than his peers. Or he may once again prefer to remain silent and take in the scene with a gleaming eye.

Comments

[boccaderlupo]

Any sense of the "guest rule" in effect in Norse culture? It's a huge deal in Greco-Roman and Med culture, but not sure if that's what's being intimated here.

Axé

[kylec]

Norse culture definitely seems to have a lot of guest rules, and many of them are touched on in Havamal. I don't have an extensive knowledge of them. This verse seems to specifically refer to treatment of fellow guests, as opposed to how the host treats a guest, but I'm sure it applies to the host as well.